Stage Fright

I have been trying to figure out how to start this blog and decided that there is no time like the present; so I am starting right now, at the end. Well, it is a kind of ending but, like most endings, it is also a beginning. Today is the day of my MFA exhibition at the National Glass Centre (NGC) in Sunderland, UK. I am in a year-long program that started in October 2025 and ends November 2026. Because the National Glass Centre is closing–the last day of our show is also the last day that the Centre will be in operation. That is a long and convoluted story that you can research if you want the gory details. Anywho, because it is closing that meant we got less time in studio to prepare for our exhibition, which would have usually happened in September. In just a couple of hours my work will be on display for the first time and I am terrified.

Stage fright is an old frenemy of mine. I am an introvert and also a Leo who tends to be in charge of things/ people so often have to be “out front”. This means that I have learned how to act like an extrovert when I need to, but it costs me. Stage fright is one of the costs. It is not as bad as it used to be. Before a competition or a performance (I played the clarinet for a very serious music program 3rd through 8th grade and then through high school) I would get physically ill. During one solo competition I was so nervous I spent half the time playing with tears streaming down my face. I have given speeches while my guts churned with nausea. Today, I have to combat stage fright and my social anxiety, since I will be expected to stand around talking about my work with strangers all night: The horror! In addition to the fear and anxiety there is also excitement, trepidation, sadness… so many emotions.

I should back up a bit and explain a few things. First, I started this program as a middle-aged woman (49 in a couple weeks) with very little experience as an artist. I have dreamed of becoming a sculptor since I was in 3rd grade and discovered Edmonia Lewis. Alas, I grew up in the time before social media and so had zero clue of how one actually became an artist in real life. Smart little “inner city” Black kids were encouraged to become doctors or lawyers. Studying Philosophy was already bucking the system, but being an artist!? Fast forward 30 odd years and I have this lightbulb moment. I am in my 6th year of being a nonprofit CEO and am thoroughly burnt out and asking myself what I want to do with my life. I knew that I did not want to stay in the US, but had no real idea of where I wanted to be, much less what I would do when I got there. Then it hit me, why not do the thing that I am always trying to make time and space in my life to do–work with clay! I move around and travel a lot and one of the first things I do in any new place is look for a ceramics studio. I would do a workshop or book open studio time, but had never seriously sculpted. Usually I would just make mugs and bowls, something that I could use and could also be completed in a short period of time.

So, I started researching programs outside of the US. I knew that I would continue working so wanted a program that was studio focused, english-speaking, and affordable. I stumbled across the NGC while watching an episode of the Great Pottery Throw Down. One of the contestants was a graduate and mentioned having attended the University of Sunderland, which I had never heard of. When I looked it up I saw that they had Ceramics and Glass concentrations within their Fine Arts division, housed in the amazing NGC. I reached out and eventually had a visit and was blown away by the facilities as well as the amazing community of artists that it housed. The time difference also meant that I could be in the studio during the day and in work calls in the evening; serendipity! Fast forward 1.5 years and here I am today (I will talk more about exactly how I got here in later posts) a little over two hours away from the exhibition.

Let me also mention that I am stepping down from my CEO position at the end of August, so yeah, lots of emotions right now. Even more question marks. I know that I want to pursue a second PhD in Fine Arts or Visual Arts because I have a LOT more that I want to learn and explore. I also miss, maybe miss is a strong word, academia. It may be more accurate to say that I love learning and learning environments and hope to redeem my graduate school experience further. This MFA program has certainly been a major departure from what I experienced as a graduate student at Emory University where competition, racism, and a healthy dose of sexism ruled the day. There is actually a sense of community and camaraderie, rather than competition. If there is drama I am blissfully unaware and happy about it. While today marks the end of an era, both personally and for the larger Sunderland artistic community, it is also the start of the next leg of my journey.